My top five cinema pet peeves

What kind of a world do we live in where people cannot silently watch a movie? We've all paid $10 to sit in a darkened theatre and catch the latest release - we're all in this together. All I'm asking is that people do nothing for two hours. Consider that for a moment. Do nothing. Just exist. That's all I ask. Is that too much trouble?

Watching Defiance last weekend, it occurred to me that people seem to be completely unable to grasp such a straightforward concept. It's only for 120 minutes; a microscopic slice from the pie of life.

Admittedly, we watched the film in the basement screening room of the Princess Theatre; the acoustics of this tiny cinema meant that a pin dropping sounded like the roof was caving in. Even so, the noises eminating from some of my fellow cinemagoers could have been heard in the vast vaccuum of outer space.

Based on this experience, I present my top 5 motion picture pet peeves.

1. Talking. Obviously, this is the most common gripe, but also the easiest to solve. Step 1: close your mouth. Step 2: keep it closed. The couple behind us in Defiance were nattering away throughout the film as if they were in their living room, not surrounded by 80 complete strangers. There are several different breeds of cinema-talkers:

• The Line Repeaters: If a character says something you like or find amusing, there's no need to repeat it. We were all there. We all heard it. And it sounded a lot better coming from the trained actor onscreen than it did spilling from your gob.
• The Plot Clarifiers: Possibly the most excusable reason for cinema-talking, but there needs to be a line drawn. Let's say, three clarifications per film. A great twist in a movie can be completely cheapened when the dunce two rows in front of you exclaims, "Ohhhh... it's the guy from the start!" two minutes after the fact.
• The Subtitle Readers: Unbelievable. Do you sit at home and read a 600-page novel aloud? Do you flip through the Safeway catalogue and recite the specials to strangers? Do you vocalise every road sign you pass? It's like being stuck with someone who considers unneccesary narration a hobby.
• The Irrelevant Conversationalists: These are the ones who, I theorise, aren't even aware they're in a movie theatre. Physically, they're fifteen seats along in the tenth row of Cinema 2. Mentally, they're sitting at home, drinking at the pub, wandering around a shopping mall, or any number of places where it's perfectly acceptable to discuss their new washing machine, or verbally remind themselves that they have to call Frank later on, or any other pointless exchange that really doesn't need to be shared at all, let alone during a movie.

2. Using a phone. Fortunately, people seem to have finally paid attention to the notices prior to a film that suggest they ought to put their mobile phone on silent. Unfortunately, those same people seem oblivious to the fact that when they flip open their phone to send a text during a crucial part of a movie - as some girl did during the scene-setting pre-titles sequence of Quantum of Solace - they may as well have brought a full-size lighthouse that desperately tries to steal your attention from the screen. And you just know the contents of that text are pitifully unimportant.

3. Noisy eating. Who decided that popcorn was the food of choice for cinemas? I bet whoever it was reads subtitles. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Scrunch. That was the sound of someone wrestling open a bag of M&Ms with all the grace of a human being who hasn't developed opposable thumbs. That may just be the crux of the problem. The thing is, it is possible to eat popcorn and candy quietly. I propose a system whereby one needs to pass a simple exam that entails sitting in a soundproof room with a small popcorn, a packet of Starburst and a small Coke (crucially, with a straw). If you can polish those off without unwrapping, chewing or slurping over a predetermined volume, congratulations: you've earnt your candy bar licence.

4. Inappropriate laughter. Up until Defiance, I probably would have lumped this in with talking. But Defiance changed all that. Following a bit of light-hearted banter between a couple of characters that prompted some wry laughter from the audience, one character solemnly lamented - by subtitles - that "Jews are only good for dying", at which point the woman behind me continued to laugh. I'm sorry; were you following? Do you understand those subtitles you've been reading aloud?

5. Leaving rubbish behind. Not specifically related to cinemagoing, but still, possibly one of the laziest displays I've ever seen. The effort required to carry an empty cup and a plastic wrapper to the nearest bin is unlikely to burn off the calories consumed from the products they once contained, but every little bit counts, right?

Existence. And a little bit of cleaning up after yourself. I'm not too demanding, am I?

Defiance (2008)

As far as true stories go, the events that inspired Edward Zwick's Defiance are incredible. The film, based on Nechama Tec's Defiance: The Bielski Partisans, tells the little-known tale of three Jewish brothers who escape Nazi-occupied Poland and proceed to lead a resistance against the Nazis during World War II. It's a piece of history that's well worth exploring in a feature film. Indeed, one of Defiance's major coups is that it's a story that presents the Jews as more than just passive victims: the Bielski brothers and their ever-increasing group of Jewish partisans are testament to man's unwavering will to survive. It's moving stuff.

Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber and Jamie Bell head up a virtually flawless cast. Craig's Tuvia is precisely the kind of role the actor appears to be relishing in light of his new-found fame: after exacting revenge upon the man responsible for his father's death, the eldest Bielski brother firmly believes that avoiding conflict in order to stay alive is the best course of action. Schreiber's Zus, however, remains adamant that the Jews should be fighting back, ultimately choosing to side with the Russians. Bell is a real standout as teen Asael, whose coming-of-age was worthy of further exploration: it's his finest performance to date.

Unfortunately, the strong cast is held back by a script that never allows us to connect with the Bielski brothers, and some fairly bland direction from Zwick. Some scenes stand out – there's a brutal sequence in which a Nazi is captured by the partisans who proceed to exact justice – and there's the occasional image that's potentially iconic: a wide-angled shot of the partisans wading through wetlands is a hint at what could have been. It may have been an intentional decision to shoot the picture with little flair in order to depict the events as true-to-life. However, the low-key approach is at odds with some decidedly Hollywood-esque heroics, rendering Defiance's dramatic sequences and action scenes as a bit flat, despite some impressive cinematography. The resultant effect means the characters' plights never feel as grave as they ought to. The movie is also sadly over-scored, with James Newton Howard's Oscar-nominated soundtrack weakening several key dramatic moments that would have played better without music.

Defiance's forest setting (Lithuania doubles for Poland) is impressively used, as the story spans roughly one year of time. Throughout autumn, Tuvia remains cognisant of food rationing during Poland's harsh winter. The elements and landscape are also adversaries with which the partisans need to contend.

As is standard for a "true story" adaptation, Defiance closes with a series of title cards revealing what became of the characters' real-life counterparts. It's only during these final seconds that the viewer really grasps the sheer scope of the story they just witnessed. For this alone, Defiance is a captivating tale worth seeing. One just wishes the film itself conveyed this sense of awe.

Wikipower

If anyone doubts the power of user-generated encyclopaedia, Wikipedia, this video is for you. Social media blog davefleet.com points to a clip showing the first two hours of development of the entry on US Airways Flight 1549, which crash-landed in the Hudson River last week. The page was created within minutes of the plane landing in the river.

We're now at the point where "Wikipedia" has entered our vocabulary alongside "Google" and "YouTube" as commonly-used terms (I use all three websites so often that I completely take them for granted). It's essential to remember precisely where Wikipedia's content originates, and that its veracity is far from guaranteed, but Wikipedia's goal of creating a free database of knowledge for everyone is truly admirable.

This video is a startling reminder of its growing power.

The Swarm (2004)

"It's plain to see that humanity is going down the drain. We used to be at the centre of the universe until Copernicus moved it. We were at the pinnacle of creation until Darwin pushed us off. Then Freud claimed that our reason is in thrall to the unconscious. At least we were still the only civilised species on the planet – but now the yrr are trying to kill us."

It was a photo finish, but I've finally completed Frank Schätzing's sci-fi epic, The Swarm... just two days before I leave Canada for Australia (I refused to lug this weighty tome across continents).

The bestselling German novel sees humanity face-to-face with an alien force called the yrr, which has been lying hidden at the bottom of the ocean for millions of years. Fed up with humanity's shoddy treatment of the world's oceans, the yrr manipulate the planet's marine creatures to launch a relentless assault on mankind.

The Swarm may well be one of the best holiday reads I've ever picked up – my only advice is that, at almost 900 pages, it better be a long holiday. That said, rarely does The Swarm feel unworthy of its length. It's an eco-thriller rich in scientific detail, enjoyable character development and thought-provoking musings on numerous topics, including evolution, technology, politics and religion. At times, the discussions within the book are so profound that, even if they merely serve as diversions so that the author can explore a particular topic, the reader remains nevertheless compelled.

Schätzing's ability to seamlessly mix educational exchanges, vivid action sequences and detailed technological descriptions are part of the reason why this Michael Crichton-esque thriller works so well. Amid some epic scenes of destruction (the pages-long natural disaster that closes The Swarm's first part is brilliantly topped by a single sentence detailing further devastation), the author juggles the development of over 12 main characters with ease. One hopes that the makers of the upcoming film adaptation are equally deft.

Schätzing is unafraid to put forward his views on these topics explored within The Swarm (there's a fascinating, but thinly-veiled exploration of the effects the yrr's discovery has on religious groups, while the US government's actions are a transparent take on George W. Bush's politics), but the author's views shouldn't be too much of a deterrence, particularly if they don't run contrary to your own.

Most successful is the slow, suspenseful establishing events, which capture a genuinely scary sense of what lies beneath the world's oceans, somewhere we know little about. The Swarm's climax might be a bit action-heavy (its worthy political intrigue ultimately gives way to some pretty incredulous character motivations), but Schätzing admirably avoids anything approaching a complete explanation of the mysterious phenomenon that wreaks havoc on the world's coasts.

A highly-recommended read for fans of environmental thrillers.

The Dark oversight

The Oscar nominations are in and there aren't many surprises among the contenders.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button deservingly leads the field with 13 nominations, including Best Picture, Best Director (David Fincher) and Best Actor (Brad Pitt).

Best Picture favourite Slumdog Millionaire – a film I've been hanging out to see – comes in second with 10 nominations. Given how it swept the Golden Globes, expect it to put in a good showing here.

Meanwhile, biopic Milk landed eight nominations, putting it in third place alongside Christopher Nolan's triumphant reinvention of the Batman saga, The Dark Knight.

What's disappointing is that, despite an enviable haul of awards nominations and wins, The Dark Knight's Oscar nods are almost exclusively in the technical categories.

The blockbuster comic book flick became a record-setting global phenomenon when released last year, leaving a wave of Oscar buzz in its wake. However, The Dark Knight's lacklustre showing at the Globes, which saw the film land just a single nomination and win for Heath Ledger's awe-inspiring turn as the Joker, seemingly slowed the picture's Oscar momentum.

It's a rare occasion, but the Academy is not entirely averse to acknowledging record-shattering blockbusters. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, perhaps the best parallel for The Dark Knight, managed to take home all 11 Oscars for which it was nominated (including Best Picture and Best Director). That same year, Johnny Depp was nominated for his first nuanced performance as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

Aside from a couple of surprising but worthy nods, including Robert Downey Jr's fantastic performance in Tropic Thunder and a screenplay nom for In Bruges (Colin Farrell's Golden Globe-winning turn somehow failed to be nominated), this year's contenders are typically po-faced. I was also holding out hope that Pixar's heartwarming WALL•E would defy the odds and also score a Best Picture nomination; alas, it wasn't to be, despite the film landing five nominations, including Best Animated Film and Best Original Screenplay.

The Dark Knight is a sure bet for Best Supporting Actor and most of its technical nods, but, like Return of the King before it, a picture with this much atmosphere, a phenomenal cast, some gorgeous cinematography and direction with such obvious respect for its source material, deserves that kind of recognition. It's not quite worthy of a win, but definitely of recognition.

To fans of the film: you have one last chance to relive The Dark Knight in the ultimate format; Warner Bros. are re-releasing the picture in IMAX cinemas around the world from tomorrow.

To the Academy: why so serious?

Lost: Season 5 (2009)

Spoilers for Lost: Season 4

Can you believe it? Lost is back tonight!

Following its groundbreaking first year, Lost settled in for a bumpy but thoroughly entertaining season and a half. It was then that the show's producers announced that Lost will end in 2010. With just three curtailed seasons remaining, a noticeable shift into focus occurred, and our favourite castaways were no longer wandering aimlessly through the jungle encountering endless random island weirdness.

Lost is in the unique position of being a blockbuster television programme with an incredibly intricate storyline. I think many people were turned off the show during its second and third years, fearing that Lost would become a victim of the kind of protracted, meandering storytelling that ultimately caused The X-Files' flame to flicker out. But ever since the end date announcement, Lost has confidently propelled forward, providing answers to existing mysteries, and tantalising new ones. This viewer has faith that there will be a worthwhile resolution at the end of it all.

For those who gave up on Lost, there's no excuse not to come back. While it makes no apologies if you miss an episode, and the show's producers have openly admitted that those who have never watched the show will be, erm, lost, during the fifth season opener, viewers who do their homework and fervently follow the show will be greatly rewarded. Lost is at the top of its game as one of the most exciting and intelligent shows on the box.

As we prepare to enter Lost's penultimate season, I present you with a brief cheat sheet to brush up on television's most perplexed castaways.

[insert flashback whoosh sound here]

Jack (rescued)
Everyone's favourite doc with daddy issues escaped the island and declared that the other escapees mustn't tell anyone about what happened there in order to protect the other survivors. Since rescue, Jack has been visited by Jeremy Bentham (the man in the coffin) who told him some terrible things had happened on the island since he left. Jack became racked with guilt over abandoning the other survivors, including Claire, who he learned is his half-sister.

Claire (unknown)
Since being all blowed up in an explosion while the survivors battled the freighter folk, Claire's been acting incredibly strange. Her current pasttime seems to be hanging out in that creepy moving shack with her and Jack's dead father, Christian Shepherd.

Kate (rescued)
Upon rescue, Kate went to court for her crimes and was given 10 years probation on the condition she remain in California. Kate and Jack were briefly engaged. Claire's child, Aaron, is living with Kate. Presumably without contributing any rent, the slacker. Kate is living under the pretence that Aaron is her child.

Sawyer (on the island)
Sawyer sacrificed his own rescue so that the other survivors could escape. Before doing so, he whispered something in Kate's ear. He probably asked her to feed his fish.

Juliet (on the island)
Juliet was last seen drinking rum with Sawyer on the beach. Yo, ho, ho, etc.

Daniel (missing)
Eccentric physicist Daniel was last seen ferrying people to the freighter off the island. He has developed a bond with Desmond, who is his "constant", something too complicated to do anything but link to here. Brush up on that, as time travel is set to be a major part of the fifth season.

Miles (on the island)
Ghost-whisperer Miles remains stranded by choice, opting not to ride with Daniel to the freighter. Bit weird.

Charlotte (on the island)
The mysterious Charlotte also opts to stay on the island. Although it transpires she's been there before...

Hurley (rescued)
Hurley's curse hasn't escaped him since being rescued. After seeing visions of the deceased Charlie and Mr Eko off the island, he is readmitted to the same mental institution he was in before the plane crash. He has also been visited by Jeremy Bentham. Oh, and those numbers still haunt him.

Michael (dead)
By delaying the detonation of a large amount of explosives aboard the freighter, Michael sacrificed himself in order to give the survivors the time they needed to escape. Christian Shepherd appeared to Michael moments before he died.

Jin (presumed dead)
Jin's fate is uncertain, but he was seemingly caught in the inevitable explosion of the freighter.

Sun (rescued)
Sun escaped the island but, hopeful that Jin survived, she makes a pact with big baddie Charles Widmore to help him find the island.

Ben (magically appeared off the island after turning a giant, frozen wheel)
Upon instruction from Jacob (overseer of the island), beady-eyed Other Ben assisted Locke to "move the island". To where (or when) remains a mystery. In doing so, he was teleported to the Sahara desert 10 months into the future. After the death of his own daughter at the hands of Widmore's men on island, he swears to kill Widmore's daughter in order to settle the score.

Sayid (rescued)
After escaping, Sayid married his beloved Nadia who was later murdered. Ben finds Sayid and tells him the culprit was one of Widmore's men, leading Sayid to become a mercenary for Ben.

Desmond (rescued)
Desmond's rescue remains unknown to the rest of the world (unlike the highly-publicised rescue of the Oceanic 6). He was swiftly reunited with his beloved Penny... Widmore's daughter.

Locke (dead?)
We recently learnt Locke has been watched from birth by ageless Other Richard Alpert. On the island, he made contact with Jacob, who told Locke to move the island. After the island moves, Locke will become leader of the Others. On the mainland in the future, Ben visits Jack, who tells him that in order to save the stranded survivors, everyone who left the island must return, including the deceased Jeremy Bentham, who, it turns out, is John Locke.

Ooooooo...

Anyway, Lost. Brilliant. Watch it.

Desperate Housewives: Season 5 (2008-2009)

Minor spoilers for Desperate Housewives: Season 5 ("The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened")

Hi. My name's Matt. I'm a 23-year-old heterosexual male and I'm a fan of Desperate Housewives. There. I said it. Wanna fight about it?

I always get some strange reactions when I make the above statement (least of all because I'm threatening people with violence), but you know what? Anyone who judges Desperate Housewives based on its apparent reputation for being a light, fluffy show for women – a kind of primetime Bold and the Beautiful – is dead wrong.

Desperate Housewives might be slick, sexy and comical, but that's all subterfuge, for its overarching stories are dark mysteries with some truly disturbing twists in their unravelling. The subject matter allows the show's trademark black humour to flourish – at times, Desperate Housewives is outright hysterical. Unlike other dramatic serials, Desperate Housewives more or less wraps up every story arc by the end of each season, meaning that each mystery can be plotted out and resolved in a satisfying manner. Most importantly, though, it's smart, addictive television.

The final scenes of Desperate Housewives' fourth season saw the show take an unprecedented five-year leap forward in time that's seen the fifth season re-ignite the spark of the show's first and third years (it seems Desperate Housewives is at its best during the odd-numbered seasons). This year's mystery began with the arrival of Neal McDonough's sinister Dave Williams, husband to man-eater Edie Britt. The psychotic Williams, brilliantly played by McDonough, is secretly plotting revenge against one of Wisteria Lane's residents for reasons unknown. It's a compelling story on par with the mystery of Mary Alice's death and the tale of Orson Hodge's sick past.

"The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened", the series' milestone 100th episode, was broadcast this week. Opting to give this year's mystery a back seat, creator Marc Cherry served up a self-contained story based around guest star Beau Bridges' Eli Scruggs, a handyman with a heart of gold. Scruggs dies before the opening credits roll (there is much death within Desperate Housewives), prompting the main characters to reminisce about how he had impacted their lives.

What followed was a series of moving flashbacks that essentially re-engineered key moments in the characters' lives to show the involvement of the generous handyman. It was a neat trick that, like the sudden inclusion of Lost's maligned background castaways Nikki and Paulo, was pulled off effectively, even allowing us to revisit some familiar faces from the show's past.

It was a surprisingly moving episode that may have been light on the comedy, but it proved that for all the dark satire of suburban life, Desperate Housewives' characters are real people with real emotions. Serialised drama episodes are frequently overlooked at TV awards ceremonies, but I'd be very surprised if this standalone tale is doesn't receive a nod at Emmy time.

The Ricky Gervais Guide To... Medicine (2009)

The team behind the record-breaking podcast, The Ricky Gervais Show, is back with a brand new series of unrelenting drivel so sidesplittingly funny that I strongly advise against listening to it on public transport for fear of giving the impression that you're actually laughing at the creepy-looking guy sitting directly across from you.

I couldn't even begin to succinctly describe Karl Pilkington, but most of my friends will have probably heard me pass on a bizarre piece of unwisdom from him at some point or another. Prodded by fellow podcasters Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant (co-creators of two of the best British comedies of recent years: The Office and Extras), Pilkington shares his uniquely bizarre outlooks on life. Much of what he says is pure, concentrated bollocks, but there's occasionally a strange profundity to what he comes out with.

For those unfamiliar with his nonsensical genius, here are a few of Karl Pilkington's most memorable quotes from The Ricky Gervais Show...

On the mind: "Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine."
On evolution: "It goes bacteria, fish, mermaid, man..."
On gravity: "Could the world fall?"
On having a doppelgänger: "How would I know which one I was?"
On seeing an ultrasound: "It was an awkward situation because [the mother] was happy with it. I was like 'Oh, God'. It was an odd-looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a dis."
On getting his girlfriend's attention if he transformed into a slug: "It'd be impossible. I'd chuck myself into the salt pot or something."

While The Ricky Gervais Show was essentially a series of glorious ramblings, The Ricky Gervais Guide To... Medicine is a touch more focussed, maybe even educational. It still contains some hilarious diversions (Karl describing an exhibition on Tutankhamun: "They had some video footage made up; it wasn't from the time"), while keeping in with the theme of medicine (Karl on the possibility that Russia or the US still has a supply of smallpox for military use: "To me, that's like in James Bond, when they don't kill him when they have the chance"). Pilkington summarises the world of medicine with this meaningless gem: "Today's cure is tomorrow's legache."

The Ricky Gervais Guide To... Medicine is occasionally a bit too crass for its own good, but when Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington's ramblings hit the target, it's nearly always a bulls-eye. After nearly eight years of chatter in radio and podcast form, it's amazing that there's still material to be plundered. As amusing as Gervais and Merchant are (which is very), the key to the trio's longevity lies in the fascinating mind of Karl Pilkington.

The show can be purchased from iTunes via the links at rickygervais.com.

Man on Wire (2008)

Believe it or not, the artistic crime of the century is not considered to be Bride Wars.

Man on Wire is a remarkable documentary about Frenchman Philippe Petit, who in 1974, illegally walked a tightrope between the two towers of New York's World Trade Center. There's no denying that it's a mind-blowing act in and of itself, but the incredible amount of planning and preparations that went into staging the feat, make for equally captivating and empowering viewing.

Told through a series of interviews, original footage and stylish re-enactments, Man on Wire intersperses a brief history of Petit's life with a re-telling of the measures he and his team went to in order to infiltrate the two towers and stage the dazzling performance.

The film's story begins as Petit – who, 35 years on, remains a charmingly eccentric showman, physically re-enacting key parts of his tale during his interviews – shares the amusing circumstances that planted the idea in his mind: as a boy, Petit saw an article about the construction of the World Trade Center in a newspaper in a dentist's waiting room. Fascinated, Petit faked a sneeze while tearing out the article and fled from the waiting room.

A street performer by profession, Petit planned and executed a number of illegal high-wire acts before conquering the World Trade Center, including tightrope walks at Notre Dame de Paris and the Sydney Harbour Bridge, both of which are wonderfully documented here (upon his arrest after the Australia stunt, Petit swiped a policeman's watch, unbeknownst to its wearer). But with one eye constantly on the construction of New York's Twin Towers, Petit set about planning his thrilling act.

With all the excitement of a classic heist film, Man on Wire director James Marsh engagingly retells the complex preparations Petit and his collaborators undertook in order to safely plan the stunt's execution. Part of this film's real thrill – which I won't spoil for you here – is seeing the ingenious plot unfold as the team overcame various obstacles, from smuggling more than a tonne of equipment to the highest floors of the towers to figuring out how to secure a cable between the two buildings over 400 metres above ground level. As a fictional film, it would have made for entertaining viewing; knowing that the whole affair is true makes it spellbinding.

The moment Petit steps out onto the high-wire was sadly not caught on film, but the series of photographs capturing this extraordinary act are breathtaking, particularly accompanied by Man on Wire's brilliant soundtrack. When the police arrived, Petit's collaborators recount how he moved toward the safety of the buildings to give himself over before cheekily turning around and heading back out along the tightrope.

His subsequent arrest and admittance to a mental asylum adds an extra layer to this entrancing documentary. An amazing story amazingly told.

24: Season 7 (2009)

Spoilers for 24: Season 7 ("11:00 a.m. – 12:00 p.m.")

After the two-hour taster that was 24: Redemption, the world's best (and only) real-time thriller series is back in all its day-long glory.

Having been subpoenaed from the fictional African nation of Sangala, Jack Bauer is facing trial as part of the now-disbanded CTU. Within minutes of the trial beginning, he's summoned by the FBI who are investigating a number of technology thefts, seemingly orchestrated by none other than Tony Almeida, Jack's long-dead colleague.

It's been two years since 24's sixth season performed one of television's finest ever displays of shark-jumping, but its creators promised a major overhaul this year. Have we got it?

Four hours in, my answer is: yes and no. The shift of location from Los Angeles to Washington is a welcome move and the show's directors unafraid to show it off with lingering shots of various Washington landmarks. In scrapping CTU, 24's creators have also ditched most of the sixth season cast (wise move: they were mostly insipid).

There are still a few familiar faces; most notably, Carlos Bernard's Tony Almeida has been resurrected as a bad guy only to have his alliance clarified within the first few episodes – he's actually undercover, despite dabbling with the villains for a couple of years after his alleged death (I'm still not convinced that it was always intended to bring Tony back from the dead, but as it looks like we're stuck with him and his annoying facial hair, I'll move swiftly on). Almeida's working with his former CTU colleagues Chloe O'Brian and Bill Buchanan who are operating outside the government in order to topple a far-reaching conspiracy within it.

It's a step in the right direction, but I wish 24's producers had gone further in shaking up the show. Having Jack work outside a government organisation is a neat idea, but he's been disobeying orders for so many years that it's basically the same thing. The FBI, meanwhile, is little more than a stripped-down CTU complete with bickering employees, large quantities of meaningless technobabble, scurrying extras and you guessed it: moles.

Meanwhile, in the White House, President Allison Taylor (played by a slightly-too-grandmotherly Cherry Jones) is faced with the difficult decision of withdrawing US troops from Sangala after being threatened by the terrorist group Tony has been undercover with. Her husband has been investigating the death of their son (last seen alive in 24: Redemption), which was officially ruled a suicide. Oh, and yep: the White House apparently has its fair share of hidden traitors, too.

Season five gave us a brilliant conspiracy story, which was a great culmination of 24's staple plot device of moles. But given we're stuck with it this season, I'd like to see our heroes unearth a slippery organisation (kind of like Quantum in the new Bond films) that are the real driving force behind the copious numbers of traitors found within the government over the past six seasons; something to something to tie this overdone plot device together and prove that the US government's screening process is actually mildly effective.

In any case, it's great to see 24 prove it has a bit more life left in its old ticker.

DVDs of Solace

For those who girls and boys who like to watch Daniel Craig shirtless and blowing stuff up respectively, Quantum of Solace has been announced on DVD and Blu-ray Disc for release in March.

There's a single-disc edition and a two-disc special edition, but both are a bit light on extras, making it clear that a second, better set will hit shelves around the time the 23rd James Bond flick arrives in cinemas. That said, if the follow-up release is anything like the swanky, extras-laden three-disc edition of Casino Royale, I won't complain.

The artwork, based on the film's posters, is below. I like.

Prison Break’s run comes to an end

So, Fox has opted to not renew Prison Break beyond its current fourth season. The news shouldn't come as a huge surprise to fans of the show, as it was widely speculated that Prison Break would not return next season.

Guardian columnist Charlie Brooker once described Prison Break as "the quintessential artefact of a civilisation sliding into absolute babbling madness", which, on the face of it, might be a fair assessment of the show's high-concept but patently absurd premise (man deliberately gets caught robbing a bank in order to break his innocent brother out of prison). However, the concept soon developed into a much grander storyline involving shadowy conspiracies and the like.

I'm a big fan of serialised dramas, so Prison Break was right up my alley, even if it doesn't touch the likes of 24 or Lost. The show's first year got a surprising amount of mileage out of its gimmicky concept, while the second season saw the show successfully expand into a Fugitive-esque thriller; special nod to the introduction of corrupt FBI agent Alexander Mahone, fascinatingly played by William Fichtner, instantly joining the hallowed echelons of New-Characters-Who-Join-Existing-Shows-And-Who-Fit-In-Oh-So-Bloody-Brilliantly.

The wheels began to fall off during Prison Break's strike-shortened third season. The new, exotic location (Panama) was the equivilant of giving a fresh coat of paint to a rickety old house. It wasn't bad television, but it was very familiar territory.

I haven't seen any of the fourth season yet, but Fox boss Kevin Reilly's comments that the show would be creatively stretched beyond its current season seem perfectly reasonable to me. Then again, I'm still floored that TV's king of gimmicks, 24, is approaching its eighth season.

Another six or so episodes of Prison Break will be filmed before the show is locked up for good.

In Bruges (2008)

These days, an original idea is a rare thing in cinema. In addition to the abundance of sequels, prequels, adaptations, remakes, reboots, reimaginings and reinterpretations thrust upon us each week, so many of the remaining films that get served up on screen are the same stale meal reheated and repackaged.

Yet there's a refreshing delight to be found in the occasional film that manages to take the same old ingredients – to continue with this clumsy metaphor – and turn them into something new and tasty. Which brings us to In Bruges, Martin McDonagh's surprising black comedy that breathes new life into the British gangster flick.

Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell play a pair of Irish hitmen instructed by their handler (Ralph Fiennes) to lie low in Bruges for a couple of weeks. Gleeson's Ken is a seasoned assassin with an unexpectedly mild-mannered side, who relishes the opportunity to soak up the atmosphere and culture of the medievil Belgian city. Farrell's Ray, on the other hand, is a novice assassin, tortured by his first botched job, who becomes instantly bored with Bruges.

When Ray stumbles onto a cheap movie being shot in the city centre ("They're filming midgets!" he excitedly exclaims), the duo inadvertantly become entangled with a pair of con artists, hard drugs, prostitutes and a racist dwarf. Things go from bad to worse when their handler, Harry, informs Ken of the real reason behind their exile to Bruges.

It all sounds a bit generic, but McDonagh's script is ripe with quick-witted dialogue and black humour, evocative of a restrained Quentin Tarantino or Guy Ritchie flick. In Bruges is eminently quotable and features some truly hilarious exchanges, including a fiery Harry acting incensed that Ray isn't enjoying himself in Bruges ("How's a fairytale town not somebody's f***ing thing?") and Ray sharing his theory that dwarfs have higher suicide rates (with the exception of "the R2D2 man ... he's still going").

There's also a great sequence in which Ken, alone in his and Ray's shared hotel room, elaborately fakes Ray's exit in order to trick Harry into thinking Ray was there in the first place, only to have to repeat the ordeal when Harry suspects Ray never left at all.

The cast – particularly the starring trio of Farrell, Gleeson and Fiennes – are on top form, clearly energised by McDonagh's unique script. Like Pierce Brosnan, who also brilliantly played a tortured hitman in black comedy The Matador, Gleeson and Farrell succeed in making their assassins relatable, human characters (the latter took home a Golden Globe for his role here). Fiennes, meanwhile, is delightfully intense as the duo's boss. Their strong performances pay off as the film's characters converge for the inevitable shoot-out climax.

The city of Bruges is also as visible a character in this film as the hitmen who descend upon it. Bruges comes in for a right bollocking throughout ("It's in Belgium," the film's characters are frequently informing each other, as if it's the most obscure place on Earth), before its quaint virtues eventually come to light. Having visited Bruges myself, it truly is the perfect city to fulfil its purpose here.

With plenty of swearing and an overly violent climax, In Bruges might not be everybody's cup of tea. But for anyone after a hilarious and inventive black comedy with some star performances, look no further than In Bruges.

Seven Pounds (2008)

As my girlfriend and I purchased tickets this weekend for Seven Pounds, the attendant instead gave us two passes for Quantum of Solace. Innocent mistake or was she trying to spare us the 123 uneven minutes that comprise this messily-plotted Will Smith vehicle?

Many critics have called Seven Pounds something of a vanity project for Smith. It's difficult to disagree. Released at a time when cinemas are flooded with Oscar bait, Seven Pounds seems to be screaming, "Nominate me!" And therein lies the film's major problem: it screams. Constantly. Nothing about it is subtle. Seven Pounds seems to exist purely to go for the heartstrings; but it does so at the expense of logical storytelling.

Smith plays Ben Thomas, an emotional IRS auditor who sets about altering the lives of seven complete strangers. Ben's motivations are hinted at throughout the picture, but never explicitly revealed until the film's harrowing conclusion. The result leaves the audience either bewildered at the meandering plot unfolding before them, or if, like me, they figure out Ben's intentions and motivations early on, impatiently watching the characters behave in implausibly erratic ways in order to withhold the inevitable reveal.

The picture's climax is simultaneously moving and sickening, leaving the audience confused as to what reaction Smith's character is supposed to ultimately provoke. Most damningly, however, the conclusion of the film – and, thus, the film itself – collapses under any kind of logical or scientific scrutiny. Moreover, its weighty themes of suicide and self-sacrifice aren't handled particularly delicately or explored as well as they could have been.

Seven Pounds does contain some worthy performances. Smith gives a decent, if slightly overplayed turn as the unnecessarily mysterious Ben, while Rosario Dawson and Woody Harrelson are among the able supporting players restricted by Grant Nieporte's heavy-handed script.

Gabriele Muccino, who helmed The Pursuit of Happyness, re-teams with Smith here, but his direction is fairly run-of-the-mill and often uneven; the film's occasional stabs at humour are frequently misjudged.

Seven Pounds isn't necessarily bad, but it's difficult to determine precisely why this film was made and who it was made for. Occasionally moving, it seeks to be empowering, but winds up both baffling and depressing.

24: Redemption (2008)

After its nearly flawless Emmy award-winning fifth year, real-time thriller 24 returned for the 2007 season with an opening quartet of episodes that culminated in a nuclear bomb being detonated in Los Angeles. What a setup! Tragically, within hours, 24 proceeded to jump the shark in spectacular style. For a show where contrivances are frequent but often excusable, this was no mean feat.

Having squandered a terrific premise, 24 went on to deliver a preposterous storyline about Jack Bauer's heretofore unmentioned father and brother being in kahootz with terrorists. Like a devoted fanboy, I refused to leave 24's side, optimistic that the show would make a recovery. I watched hopefully as big-name veteran actors like Powers Boothe and James Cromwell were brought in and swiftly wasted. 24's condition worsened and the sixth season's final moments saw Kiefer Sutherland's Jack Bauer mournfully looking downwards over the edge of a cliff. Hmm. Perhaps it was time.

Rather than slipping away, 24 – plot threads dangling – entered a coma, becoming one of the major casualties of the 2008 Writers Guild of America strike. Soon after the strike's commencement, 24's producers announced that the seventh season would be postponed until 2009.

Instead of denying us any real-time action in 2008, Fox announced 24: Exile (later retitled, rather appropriately, 24: Redemption), a two-hour telemovie to bridge the gap between the show's sixth and seventh seasons.

Having been served a subpoena by the American government for torture, Jack Bauer is lying low in the fictional African nation of Sangala, helping long-time friend Carl Benton (Robert Carlyle) with missionary work at a school. When the school is raided by militia from a rogue general who is plotting a coup, Bauer springs into action.

Meanwhile, in Washington, the United States is preparing to swear in its first female president, played by Cherry Jones (24 famously ticked the first black president box in its early years). A childhood friend of her son's has just stumbled across evidence that someone within the American government might be bankrolling the coup in Sangala.

I watched an extended cut on DVD, so I'm not sure what was broadcast and what wasn't, but a plot based around child soldiers is fairly dark stuff for American commercial television. Mind you, this is offset by the film's Washington cast who are so ridiculously good-looking, it makes you feel nauseatingly repulsive in comparison. Speaking of attractive things, 24: Redemption makes great use of its fresh locations (South Africa doubles for Sangala), which is promising for the show's Washington-based seventh season.

That said, the Washington-set stuff in this telemovie was probably the only bum note for me (with the exceptions of Powers Boothe and Peter MacNicol briefly reprising their sixth season roles). I have no doubt Cherry Jones will be given something useful to do in the show's seventh year, but her appearance here was primarily to establish her presidency. The subplot involving her son was fairly unengaging, despite Jon Voight popping up occasionally to look all menacing and mysterious.

On the upside, Kiefer Sutherland's devotion to the character refuses to waver (his performance remained the strongest element of the rubbish sixth season). It was fantastic to see Bauer in a location other than the United States. Carlyle gives a similarly enthusiastic turn, as do Tony Todd and Hakeem Kae-Kazim as the telemovie's villains.

Long-time 24 helmer Jon Cassar's direction is adequate, while Sean Callery's score is suitably exotic. Unfortunately, if you're aware of the cast and storyline of the seventh season, it's all a bit predictable. Nevertheless, 24: Redemption fits in the upper tier of Jack Bauer's adventures and points to a brighter future for the show.

Having seen the opening 17 minutes of the season seven premiere (which airs tomorrow), I'm pleased to say the show appears to be back on track. Despite an implausible return from a long-dead character and some extraneous FBI bickering that replaces the extraneous CTU bickering of past seasons, Jack Bauer's seventh day from hell looks to be a return to form for the groundbreaking action series, which is just as well: 24's eighth season begins shooting in April for broadcast in 2010.

Ten films to bet on in 2009

The cinema gods are vengeful gods, for 2008 was the year we were blessed with The Dark Knight and punished with Mamma Mia!. What does 2009 have in store? Read on for my picks...

Watchmen (6 March, 2009?)
Potentially The Dark Knight of 2009, the film adaptation of Watchmen is currently the subject of a bitter legal battle that may see its release postponed into 2010. I haven't read Watchmen yet, but it's considered to be the most critically-acclaimed graphic novel ever (it even made Time's 100 best novels of all-time). The amazing trailers show that the film appears to do it justice.

This Side of the Truth (20 March, 2009)
Ricky Gervais' feature film directorial debut is a high-concept comedy set in a world where lying was never invented. Gervais has assembled an impressive cast, including Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, Christopher Guest, Patrick Stewart and cameos from Gervais regulars Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington.

Star Trek (8 May, 2009)
Star Trek! What a geeky recommendation, I hear you cry. Fair point, too. But before you start hurling insults my way, like, er, Trekkie, let me tell you that this instalment is helmed by none other than J.J. Abrams, the genius who gave us TV's Lost and Alias, as well as the enjoyable Mission: Impossible III. Abrams is a master of high-quality popcorn entertainment and if anyone could get me into a cinema to watch a bunch of fellows with pointy ears and bowl haircuts, it's him.

Angels and Demons (15 May, 2009)
The critics predictably bashed it, but I actually loved Ron Howard's adaptation of The Da Vinci Code. Angels and Demons, though, is the superior book. It loses the huge amounts of exposition that were necessary in The Da Vinci Code and opts for a simpler race-against-time plot that sees Robert Langdon (played again by Tom Hanks) trying to stop a plot to destroy Vatican City on the eve of the papal election. Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer and Stellan Skarsgård co-star.

Terminator Salvation (22 May, 2009)
Never thought I'd see a McG film on my most-anticipated list (he's to blame for those God-awful Charlie's Angels flicks), but here we are. Christian Bale is onboard to once again resurrect a dormant franchise and the trailers are looking rather spiffy. Don't expect it to reach the heights of Terminator 2, but with a script by reboot masters Jonathan Nolan (The Dark Knight) and Paul Haggis (Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace), it doesn't look like the write-off it could have been.

Up (29 May, 2009)
WALL•E set a phenomenally high bar for Pixar, but they're notorious for topping themselves. A 3D re-release of Toy Story is also set for later in the year.

Public Enemies (1 July, 2009)
Johnny Depp and Christian Bale team up with Michael Mann (the director who gave us Heat and Collateral) for this crime drama set during the Great Depression. Two actors at the height of their careers and one of the best crime directors around – what's not to like?

Inglourious Basterds (21 August, 2009)
Love him or hate him, Quentin Tarantino is one of the most influential filmmakers around. He's back after the commercial stumble that was his Robert Rodriguez collaboration, Grindhouse, with this clumsily-spelled wartime epic. Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger and Mike Myers head up a huge cast list.

Sherlock Holmes (20 November, 2009)
The more serious of two Holmes films currently in production, Guy Ritchie's take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous detective sees Robert Downey Jr. as the title character and Jude Law as Watson. Scenes for the film were being shot at London's St Paul's Cathedral when I visited there in October. (For those curious, the second Holmes pic is a comedy starring Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell...)

Avatar (18 December, 2009)
James Cameron returns to the director's chair for the first time since blockbuster mush-fest Titanic. Sci-fi pic Avatar uses groundbreaking 3D technology that's predicted to finally put 3D cinema on the map.

Runners-up
Coraline (6 February, 2009): surreal stop-motion adaptation from the director of The Nightmare Before Christmas, starring Dakota Fanning, Ian McShane and Teri Hatcher.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (1 May, 2009): spin-off exploring Wolverine's formative years; can the X-Men franchise bounce back after the lacklustre Last Stand?
Brüno (15 May, 2009): Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat follow-up will also likely offend and entertain in equal measure.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (26 June, 2008): more big, dumb action with extra-special effects from Michael Bay.
Green Zone (TBC): Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass reteam for this film about the American reconstruction project in Iraq.

Anyway, those are my bets for 2009. If any of them turn out to be rubbish, I apologise. If all of them turn out to be rubbish, blame the cinema gods.

YouTune

For the past few days, I've been completely unable to get Weezer's "Pork and Beans" (from their self-titled sixth album) out of my head.

It's got an incredibly infectious chorus and some great lyrics about being yourself, gleefully raising the proverbial middle finger at people who call others down.

The real hook, though, is its trippy music video, which is actually a three-minute tribute to the numerous "celebrities" YouTube has created. Many of the references went over my head, but there were a few I'd come across in the past. Weezer managed to actually round up dozens of these (in)famous faces to star, including the Evolution of Dance guy (YouTube's most watched video ever with over 100 million views!), the Miss Teen USA candidate who gave an incomprehensible answer to a simple question, the Numa Numa bloke, and, bizarrely, the guy who bawled his eyes out at Britney Spears' treatment by the press (which I won't link to because it's all a bit tragic and you know who I mean anyway).

Other YouTube phenomena are also paid tribute to, including Daft Hands, the guy who wore 155 t-shirts at once and that brilliant Diet Coke/Mentos experiment. The Sneezing Panda even gets a little cameo during the video's epic finale.

Admittedly, most of those videos aren't worth the time of day. In fact, I'd be the first to admit that YouTube is full of irritating gonks after their five minutes of fame. But the difference with the acts Weezer have selected is that, for the most part, "fame" seems to have been thrust upon them. And it's not the kind of fame most people would pine for; incessant cyber-mocking might be a more fitting description. Which is precisely why the song works.

Even if the video clip's over your head, there's no doubt the song will become stuck in it.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, F. Scott Fitzgerald's 1921 short story about a man who ages backwards, has been adapted into a sprawling three-hour epic... by David Fincher. Yes, David Fincher of Fight Club and Alien³ fame.

There's no doubt that it's a "curious" choice for Fincher (see what I did there?), but this is an engaging film that resonates with genuine emotion.

Told in flashback, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button charts the title character's life from his birth at the end of the first World War and subsequent abandonment by his horrified father, to his difficulties in finding his place in the world, and ultimately his coming to terms with growing younger as everyone he knows is getting older and dying. It's a lengthy film where, for once, the runtime is justified. Eric Roth's screenplay ensures that Button's life is ripe for exploration; the character's fairy tale-like condition never feels like a gimmick.

Brad Pitt roles tend to fall into one of two categories. There are the parts he was born to play (such as his previous Fincher collaboration, Fight Club) and the parts that ooze "Hey, hey! It's Brad Pitt!" stunt casting (like the celebrity love-in Ocean's series or the disappointing Burn After Reading). Benjamin Button lands firmly in the former category. It is, quite simply, an Oscar-worthy turn in what is probably an Oscar-worthy film. It's a tremendously tricky role to pull off but Pitt gives the character a hefty dose of humanity. Button's condition could easily be played for laughs (and there are more than a few in the film, including an amusing running joke involving a man reminiscing about being hit by lightning seven times), but Pitt wonderfully balances the tragedy of Button's condition with a beautiful depiction of his unrelenting joie de vivre. You really believe in his affliction.

Cate Blanchett plays Daisy Fuller, Button's main romantic interest, whom he meets early (i.e. late) in his life and with whom he becomes romantically involved when they approach the same age. Blanchett may be the film's only significant blight. There are times when she suits the part, but the chemistry between the pair isn't quite stellar. I never got a genuine sense of why Daisy was "the one" for Benjamin.

What's interesting is that we are never shown an attempt to diagnose or cure Button's disease. Only twice in the film is he seen in the presence of a doctor – once as a child with the symptoms of an old man and once as an old man with the symptoms of a child. The decision to not focus on the condition itself but rather on living with it pays off. Attempting to explain the disease would have only weakened the film.

The picture also contains some truly standout scenes, including Button's first brush with unnatural death during the second World War and a fascinating sequence in which he details the unfortunate chain of unconnected events that leads Daisy to be hit by a taxi (even if there's no way Button could have known about these).

Technically, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is just as impressive. There's a terrific soundtrack and some gorgeous cinematography, both of which befit the eras that the film spans. The effects used to achieve Button's aged look early in the film are particularly convincing.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a melancholic allegory on life and death, equal parts poignant and uplifting, and a worthy addition to the Oscar race.

Bless you

During my introductory post on this blog, I implied that tabloid newspapers were completely and utterly 100 percent useless.

The very next day, I was sitting on the bus beside a couple of dishevelled old men, one of whom tore a page out of a discarded Metro (possibly the business section) and furiously blew his nose on it.

I stand corrected.

Elsewhere on the future of humanity, Guardian columnist and God among men, Charlie Brooker, has posted a characteristically optimistic New Year's message, in which he predicts unabated joy and happiness to spread forth among mankind in 2009.

Or not.

Mark my words, you'd be wise to practice your romancing skills now, because
when, circa October, we're huddled together in shelters sharing body heat to
survive, the ability to whisper sweet nothings could prove useful. Come the
dawn, you'll need to pair up with someone to go hunting for supplies with, and
it'll help if you've been cuddling all night. The world outside will be
dangerous, so there'll have to be two of you. One to root through the abandoned
Woolworth's stockrooms and another to stand outside warding off fellow
scavengers with a flaming rag on a stick.

Amen, Charlie.

Quantum of Solace (2008)

I know, I know. I'm a bit of a Bond geek. But with a new film, the wonderfully-titled-no-matter-what-anyone-else-says Quantum of Solace, raking in cash at the box office, it seemed as good a time as any to share my thoughts.

Daniel Craig returns as the rebooted Bond, now transformed into a ruthless killing machine after the death of his beloved Vesper at Casino Royale's conclusion (Quantum of Solace is the first true Bond sequel). 007 sets off to expose the mysterious organisation that blackmailed Vesper and, in the process, discovers a plot to monopolise Bolivia's water supply.

Having spectacularly overcome the unjustified media taunts that accompanied his casting as Bond, Craig settles back into 007's battered shoes with ease. Quantum of Solace is one of the most action-packed entries in the series, but Craig energetically nails these sequences as well as he does the drama (i.e. very). The man is, quite simply, the best James Bond ever. Forgive me, Sean Connery, for I have sinned.

There are moments when Quantum of Solace exudes brilliance. The scene in which 007 eavesdrops on a gathering of baddies at an Austrian performance of Tosca is beautifully executed, while a dizzying fight on the collapsing scaffolding in an art gallery is a great set piece. Director Marc Forster strives to achieve a distinct feel for the film – from the cutaways that parallel the action taking place on-screen to the unique title cards announcing each location – that results in the Bond series gaining some welcome artistic integrity.

The film also contains terrific supporting performances. Special nods to Olga Kurylenko, as a genuinely different kind of Bond girl, and Dame Judi Dench, in an expanded role for her sixth appearance as spymaster M. Acclaimed French actor Mathieu Amalric gives a creepily understated performance as main villain Dominic Greene. Jesper Christensen's brilliant Mr White returns from Casino Royale, as does Giancarlo Giannini as Bond's faithful ally René Mathis.

The script, from Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and Oscar winner Paul Haggis, is steeped in surprisingly murky politics. The villains operate in plain sight and the British and American governments are happy to get in bed with them so long as oil is promised. It's a refreshing development that gives Craig, Dench and Jeffrey Wright (back as CIA agent Felix Leiter) some meaty scenes to chew on. It's a shame that the strong writing is often drowned out by an abundance of action.

Unfortunately, Quantum of Solace's few flaws disappointingly keep it from reaching the dizzying heights of Casino Royale. The theme song and title sequence are letdowns, while the film itself is far too tightly edited. Quantum of Solace is the shortest Bond flick to date, despite the fact it contains just as much action. A few more dramatic scenes would have helped the audience catch their collective breath. The action sequences themselves also suffer due to overly tight editing. As much as I appreciate the attempt to throw viewers into the thick of the action, some wider shots to establish a context would have made it more engaging.

Despite these blemishes, Quantum of Solace admirably pushes James Bond even further away from the silliness of many of the pre-Craig films. It's a dark, intense and emotional journey and one that improves upon repeat viewings.

Death of a President (2006)

What if George W. Bush was assassinated?

Before the secret service busts down my door, rifles in hand, this isn't a question posed by me, but rather the premise of the compelling, provocative and controversial faux-documentary, Death of a President.

A seamless mix of real archival footage, doctored material and original film, Death of a President is presented as a contemporary documentary exploring the fictional assassination of the 43rd president of the United States of America in Chicago, Illinois on 19 October, 2007.

The central conceit gives the impression that Death of a President is nothing more than an offensive, headline-grabbing stunt depicting the murder of the controversial world leader. Reaction prior to its premiere on British TV network More4 was predictably outraged. Yet as the film unfolds, it becomes apparent that the assassination of Bush is never celebrated and the repercussions of the event are entirely negative.

The first half of the film deals with the lead-up to the assassination, as Bush attends a conference at a hotel in Chicago where a major anti-war demonstration is taking place. As the President delivers his speech inside, the nearby rally becomes increasingly aggressive. With Bush's death serving as the documentary's midway point, the filmmakers take the time to paint a convincing picture of the kind of meticulous security preparations that would actually take place on this sort of occasion. It's a lengthy set-up, but necessary to give the film the development it needs to prove its premise is not a cheap gimmick.

The inevitable scene in which Bush takes two bullets while walking down the rope line is not dwelled upon. It's a handful of suitably chaotic seconds shot using a range of equipment – digital cameras, handheld cameras, security cameras, even mobile phone cameras – in order to realistically represent how the incident might be captured on film. The shooting is shown only once and in no way is it glamourised or applauded. His eventual death in hospital is leaked to the media; the unconfirmed accounts are shown in a brief montage, but, despite being fictional, the viewer still feels the kind of shock that's strictly reserved for when a major news story like this breaks. Curiously, the White House's confirmation of these reports is never shown.

The film's second half develops into a fascinating whodunit as Dick Cheney assumes the office of the President, and the United States government begins to hastily look for someone to blame for the attack. Hundreds of suspects are detained and dozens of theories are debated, giving the film the opportunity to explore such weighty topics as civil liberties and racial profiling. While the blame is periodically aimed at militant activists, Al-Qaeda, the Syrian government and others, the actual culprit's tragic story is much closer to home.

The impressively slick footage is interspersed with interviews with a range of people involved in the event, including secret service staff, Presidential advisors, members of the press and suspects. The background given to some of the interviewees is compelling, including one forensics expert who walked away from his job after being instructed to draw a premature conclusion on the examination of evidence that wasn't actually conclusive. The actors portraying the interviewees are mostly convincing, and in some cases, exceptionally so. The material with which they're given to work is largely first-rate.

While Death of a President could have been a documentary about the assassination of a fictional world leader, the film would lose much of its resonance. Bush's unpopularity may be prime bait for a script of this nature, but the film's true intent is to explore the repercussions that a President's choices – and death – would have on the world. If you can handle a film about the assassination of a real-life public figure, Death of a President is a unique and provocative docu-mystery well worth checking out.

Unsurprisingly, the film hasn't tapped the US market. However, Death of a President is finally slated for release in American cinemas less than three weeks from today, on 20 January, 2009: the date of Barack Obama's inauguration.

The Swarm (2004)

For the past week or so, I've been paddling through Frank Schätzing's behemoth marine-based eco-thriller, The Swarm. It's actually a German novel that made a splash when it hit the bestseller lists and stayed afloat there for over two years. The Swarm has been beached on my bookshelf for some time now, so it's been great to finally dive in. Enough aquatic puns? Good.

Anyway, The Swarm is long. Very long. My girlfriend joked that I wouldn't be permitted to take my hardcover copy on the airplane with me because it was a) overweight luggage; and b) a potentially dangerous weapon. Both are fair points. It's massive.

Having passed the 300-page mark (approximately one-third of the book), the book is beginning to gather pace. That's not to say the first third was uninteresting; Schätzing goes to great lengths to flesh out his characters, illustrate his locations (much of the book has so far been set in British Columbia) and establish the seemingly unconnected incidents that spell out a potential global catastrophe.

The book's two main characters who, at present, are yet to meet, are well-drawn human roles; each has their own personal demons with which they're coming to grips as they attempt to nut out the truth behind the mysterious phenomenon that's causing whales to attack ships at sea, jellyfish to descend on beaches in plague proportions and oceanic worms to bring about the collapse of the North Sea shelf.

There's still 600-odd pages to go, but The Swarm is, thus far, swimming with potential. Sorry.

My vision for a utopian society

So, I've decided to start another blog. Another blog, you say? Yes, another blog. Read carefully next time.

I know, I've tended to neglect blogs in the past, but they were always about trivial things like my travels around Europe or my list of things to do before I die. This, however, will be much more profound, meaningful and character-building.

Okay, maybe not. Still, I love nothing more (aside from my family and friends – I don't want to receive any angry emails) than a good film or an involving book or an addictive television programme. I also love forcing my opinions onto others in a vain attempt to change the world into a kind of utopian society where reading tabloid newspapers is a criminal offence, quality programmes such as Deadwood are mandatory viewing and the filmmakers behind tripe like Meet the Spartans are punished in the most cruel and barbaric ways imaginable. I seriously think we might attain world peace.

Failing that, at least I'll get the chance to put my university degree – which was in popular culture, the media and communications, for those of you playing along at home – to good use. Hopefully, I'll cover a good mix of (quality) popular stuff and some more obscure entertainment you won't have come across. And if I find myself in a few years' time favourably reviewing Celebrity Big Brother (or, indeed, reviewing any incarnation of Big Brother at all), I'll know that my life has completely fallen apart.

Aside from spewing forth my thoughts on all things filmic, literary and televisual, I might also get the urge to rant about more meaningful happenings in life. Consider these minor digressions.

Anyway, it all kicks off tomorrow. Ciao!